Sometimes I really question the wiseness of hiring foreigners to teach mandatory parts of the curriculum. I was hired, supposedly, because I'm a native [American!] English speaker, I have a background in education, and I speak French. But as is so painfully obvious among the Americans hired, a background in education and ability to speak French aren't necessarily requirements. But while I speak French, I don't necessarily understand French culture. The French education system is much more complex than what I remember reading in my French civilization textbook. I spend way too much time speaking French in my classes. When I speak English, they don't listen or they laugh at me. Both of those things make me feel awful. I'm coming to terms with my limited French. Just because I've studied it for ten years and spent five months in France doesn't make me fluent or even remotely proficient. I can do what I need and that's about it. I screw up in French all the time. And my students call me on it. It's very disheartening. I know I shouldn't take what they say to heart, that it's not about me; but this trip was supposed to be about me, right? Why have a newbie teacher speak bad French to students to teach them English? I'm just really frustrated today...my lessons didn't go well and I still can't sleep or wake up in the morning. I set two alarms today in hopes that the idea of a "snooze button" may bring me back to my old routines at home. I just don't feel like I'm culturally or linguistically qualified for this job. I don't use the textbooks because they're so confusing. They're written for people who can't speak a word of English to teach English to elementary school students: basic vocabulary, lots of audio supports, lots of pointing and circular vocabulary. But I have to use them because that's what is expected of the students.
Ugh I'm going to stop whining. I'm just not feeling good today. Add to this the number of people who have asked me if I'm going home for Christmas. No. Thanks for asking.