Monday, November 12, 2007

Day 50 of...who knows

Ok, so I think I'm getting a little manic here.

I have amazing days where I feel great, I enjoy my job (really!), I feel happy and safe and content and that my life is going in positive directions.

And then I have moments that refuse to budge where I feel completely alone, tired, useless, like I can't express myself, and just generally awful.

These bad moments aren't just Bad French Days, because even on Bad French days I've felt really good. But it's like these moments come without warning, and I'll be in the middle of a lesson with my third graders and I'll be fighting back tears! For what?! Because I'm homesick or I miss real American fast food? It sounds petty but I guess it's true. In the great time I'm having here - and I have to stress I'm really enjoying myself - there are horrible moments that just won't leave where I have a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes.

It's very frustrating.

Also, I have about a half a dozen people's phone numbers in my cell phone. And I need to go grocery shopping, badly. But I'm having trouble finding the courage to ask someone. Eesh. I'm such a wuss.

Today was ok, in terms of work and France-ness. I'm trying to think positively for the coming weeks even though the entire freaking country is going on strike in a few days for various reasons. I will not be joining the strike both because I have no right to based on how I'm compensated, and also because I don't think it's useful. Actually, I think it's ridiculous and petty and stupid and I hate this part about France. They strike for everything.

Ahhh, France.

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