Whiney homesick lonely post about Day 74 in silly France.

Sometimes I really question the wiseness of hiring foreigners to teach mandatory parts of the curriculum. I was hired, supposedly, because I'm a native [American!] English speaker, I have a background in education, and I speak French. But as is so painfully obvious among the Americans hired, a background in education and ability to speak French aren't necessarily requirements. But while I speak French, I don't necessarily understand French culture. The French education system is much more complex than what I remember reading in my French civilization textbook. I spend way too much time speaking French in my classes. When I speak English, they don't listen or they laugh at me. Both of those things make me feel awful. I'm coming to terms with my limited French. Just because I've studied it for ten years and spent five months in France doesn't make me fluent or even remotely proficient. I can do what I need and that's about it. I screw up in French all the time. And my students call me on it. It's very disheartening. I know I shouldn't take what they say to heart, that it's not about me; but this trip was supposed to be about me, right? Why have a newbie teacher speak bad French to students to teach them English? I'm just really frustrated today...my lessons didn't go well and I still can't sleep or wake up in the morning. I set two alarms today in hopes that the idea of a "snooze button" may bring me back to my old routines at home. I just don't feel like I'm culturally or linguistically qualified for this job. I don't use the textbooks because they're so confusing. They're written for people who can't speak a word of English to teach English to elementary school students: basic vocabulary, lots of audio supports, lots of pointing and circular vocabulary. But I have to use them because that's what is expected of the students.

Ugh I'm going to stop whining. I'm just not feeling good today. Add to this the number of people who have asked me if I'm going home for Christmas. No. Thanks for asking.

Exciting news from the silly world of France.

Sometimes I forget that I'm on a different continent. There's a lot of physical and mental separation between Europe and North America. Sometimes I wonder how much of it I actually comprehend and realize, and how much of it I just let slide.

I have come to the conclusion that I love love love the SNCF (when they aren't on strike for having to retire when everyone else does). I love my Carte 12-25 that gets me usually 50% off any ticket. I love how efficient it is. I do not like, however, that I live in a teeny tiny town that is only served by three regional train lines, but whatever. At least I can get out if need be. Which I did! Today! I went to Tulle! To pick up my...*dun dun dun* CARTE DE SEJOUR! (And temporary work authorization card but not as cool as the infamous CdS.) This is my official residency card that makes me legal of for the length of my stay here in France. Not that I wasn't before, but my visa and receipt of filling out my carte de séjour were just temporary until this magic pretty laminated card came. It expires the same date that my contract does, June 30, 2008. I will be coming home ASAP after that date. I no longer have a contract past then so I can't be paid so I'm not working. Oh heck no. But the reason this paragraph started with my conclusion regarding the French state-subsidized nationwide public transportation system is because I took a bus to and from Tulle. I enjoy buses more than trains. You see more towns, you see more countryside, you can buy your ticket right from the driver, the driver is really friendly, and it's generally more pleasant. Also French bus drivers are crazy.

I did massive loads of work when I got home at lunch, and hopefully tomorrow's lessons won't suck terribly. I just hope I have enough for the entire class periods!

I would still like to know if and when I'm ever receiving my social security card. But no bother.

Wowww.

So making noise in class, not listening, getting my attention by snapping your fingers and saying "Eh, eh, Rose!", talking during directions, and basically being idiots is translating nicely into notebook grades for the most ridiculous fourth grade class at School Two. They don't pay attention, and when we do notebook work, they obviously weren't paying attention. This marking period evaluation is going to be rough for them, and I don't feel bad. I'm glad I have these notebooks done now so I can speak to Marie-Pierre about them. My goodness they're just awful.

A question for France

Why is there no authentic Italian cheese available? You share a border with Italy, yet you cover your pizzas with Emmental (which tastes like Swiss), and your pasta and sauce get no cheese (unless it's Emmental again). It's disappointing, what with me being from an Italian background. I know you're very proud of your 300+ varieties of cheese. I've tried quite a few and I agree, they're very good. However, perhaps your cheese pride has left you a bit arrogant. You're so close to Italy and with the CEE, wouldn't importing real Italian cheeses be lucrative? Try it. Try some mozzarella on the pizza. Try some parmigiano on the spaghetti. It's good, really. The Italians have been doing it for years.

Oh and while you're at it, put some damn basil and oregano in your pasta sauces.

Mondays are NOT fun.

Ugh. So I think I may have a hypothesis as to why I can't fall asleep at night and why I have a hard time waking up in the morning. My government-issued high school living quarters mattress is way too hard. Normally I like a firmer mattress, but this one is just painful. I realized this last night. Hm. I could buy one at the Wal-Mart for about 100€. Or I could investigate other ways to be more comfortable at night, like finding some rocks.

(I am super duper stoked that I finally found how to make the euro symbol.)

Today was ok, other than still not being able to wake up and get crap done at a decent hour. I only had two of my three scheduled classes because my School One third graders were on a field trip to the cinema or theater or something like that. They didn't really know. But School One's and School Two's fourth graders did awful in their notebook check. The object of this lesson was to check to make sure they had the right pages in their notebooks and that the pages were filled out completely. I collected them all (baaad idea - those suckers are heavy!) and am correcting them. But both of these classes just WOULD NOT SHUT UP. Oh my goodness. But I enjoy correcting their notebooks. Hopefully they will study and do well on the evaluations.

Today I confirmed hotel reservations for the Christmas vacations. I will be spending New Year's Eve in Lyon, the gastronomic capital of France and the third-largest city, with a fellow assistant named Shannon. She's stationed in way northern France teaching high school students, and we've been talking online through Facebook and the assistants' forum. She's excited and seems to be of a similar mind when it comes to traveling. So I'm excited :) Yay for new friends!

Despite not doing anything remotely productive this morning besides finding unblocked season seven of Scrubs on YouTube (which has been promptly shut down as of this evening), I managed to get quite a bit done tonight. I'm dong working though because I'm tired, it's late, and I have people to chat with.

The best way to beat homesickness is to keep busy. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Peace out :)

Good news and bad news.

Good news first.

I really really really think I've found something that makes me truly happy in life. I really like this job. It must be said that I do have an amazing network of people around me, from the teachers I work with directly, the other English teachers, my supervisors, to the people at the high school. I'm very lucky. It must be said that I do have a basic understanding of pedagogy and how a language class should work. But man oh man. Do I LOVE elementary foreign language classes. It is amazing to see even ONE student be able to utter something in another language. It is amazing when a little girl from my most difficult fourth grade class (guess where...School Three!) say, and I quote, "I really like English with you, Miss D." It is amazing when lessons actually work and students make visible progress. It is amazing that my students can't copy their own damn handwriting correctly. I would be in heaven if I could continue this line of work for the rest of my life.

This discovery may also be due to one of the stages of culture shock: over-romanticizing and a self-induced euphoria about your new environment. I am believing that I'm just truly happy.

This afternoon I sat in on the non-pregnant Karine's senior English literature class. It was amusing and I learned a little bit. They translated the first two pages of the book they're reading, which reinforced just how much I loathe translation. You lose so much of the real sense of the text. Just...jeepers, just learn the language. Hahaha.

I received a letter today from the Préfecture or the county office saying that my carte de séjour or residency card is ready for me to come pick up!! In Tulle!!...ah France. Well in any case, this means I'm legal. I wonder when or if I'll get my social security card. That's pretty much the only thing I don't have. Way to go Rose!

Rocio and I went to centre ville tonight to do some shopping...oh so dangerous. And then we went to one of the Turkish restaurants for a kebab. A kebab is basically a gyro, but the meat is on a huge rotisserie contraption and gets shaved off. It's only about the best thing the Muslim immigrant population has contributed to France, and I'm not being racist with that remark. This is pure deliciousness on a plate (or in a pita, depending on how you order it). Rocio agreed.

Also, I bought a winter jacket. It's super sweet. It's black and has warm sweater cuffs that close around my wrists. It was around 60E. The only things I don't like is that the hood looks ridiculous and that it buttons instead of zipping. But it's awesome. I had originally ordered a jacket but it was going to take three weeks to get here. And then it was backordered another FOUR weeks. No. It's cold now. So I canceled it without penalty and found this jacket in town.


Tomorrow I'm doing some housekeeping and lesson planning - only a few more to go before vacation! My tutoring student is coming later tomorrow evening. Sunday, I am probably going to Neuvic, a little town about 20km south of us (Ben bikes there a lot) to hear a concert with one of my district supervisors, Madame Mouty, her husband Olivier and their daughter Camille. Next weekend, I'm going to the marché de Noel with my other district supervisor, Madame Renson, and possibly Sashi, the Indian assistant in Brive-la-Gaillarde and Courtney, the assistant from DC in Tulle. Lots of things to do.

Now the bad news.
I cannot sleep. It's almost insomnia. I cannot fall asleep at night. I cannot clear my head. And when I do finally wear myself out tossing and turning, I wake up a lot. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I feel paralyzed. I can't get out of bed. I'm so tired from not sleeping and I get myself too worked up about the day ahead. It's not like I'm not tired at night. I get back from school and I'm exhausted, physically and mentally. It's really mentally straining to have two languages swimming in my head at once. I actually prefer speaking only French or only English - mix the two and I'm lost. (This may bode ill for future endeavours but whatever.) I could easily go to the pharmacie across the street and they could direct me to the nearest pill; that would be so French. The French have a pill for everything. A simple head cold will warrant four prescription medications and a doctor's note to miss work. But I know my problem is more mental than anything. Once I figure out how to really clear my head I hope I'll sleep better. But back to the main point. I can't sleep. At all.

Well, no one's answering my IMs so I'll try this sleeping thing.

Big huge happy smiley face.

I am very happy.

Today went much better than I had anticipated. I would still like to know why I have to repeat directions three times to the class, and then at least twice to individual students. I asked Vous comprenez?, why did you say oui?? Anyways. I was very pleased with how the activities went today. I especially like when S* in School Three's third grade class tells me before class starts (they have recré right before anglais) "I'm going to be good today." Ohhh that makes me want to just HUG them. I really do like these little kids. There are even moments when I think, Yes, I really do like elementary foreign language education. I'd be really stoked if I could spend the rest of my life doing this - teaching elementary kids languages, developing materials and curricula, and educating other teachers. Ahhh I love little kids, even if they do make waaay too much noise. All. The. Time.

Today after school at School Three, I had a meeting with Luc, a fourth grade teacher who also teaches two classes of English. I just wanted a teacher's perspective, because it's so easy for me to get really tunnel-visioned and lose sight of the purpose of my lessons and activities. But apparently Astrid, a preschool teacher at School Three who also teaches at least one class of English, Madame Mouty, my district supervisor, and Virginie, the teacher whose class of third and fourth graders were also there. So it was really a nice little chat about what should be happening in English class. I was also told I really should be following the (damned) books. I don't like the books so much. I am not familiar with British English and it's really awkward and unnatural for me to say "Have you got a pet?" But it was really nice. Yay!

Also today, we got PAID!!! It is more than last month's salary, but according to my information (aka the amazing forums at assistantsinfrance.com), it all evens out eventually. In any case, it's exciting to have cash. Now to see how fast I'll use it up...hopefully I'll have enough for my upcoming Christmas vacation and sending people cute little French packages of French things with French stamps. Yay.

Ben and I went to dinner tonight with the substitute English teacher. Her name is Marie and she's from Réunion, a French island in the Indian Ocean. She's subbing for one of the Karines who is very pregnant. She was really neat to talk to. She's currently doing her PhD in English, and her thesis is on dreams in Shakespeare's plays. Um, wow. But her company was very welcome and she's nice. Yay.

So yes. Many "yay"'s, and happy Rose. Tomorrow may be shaky because I have Catherine's fourth graders at School Two and she always has this mildly disapproving look on her face...but I'm driving through because it's almost the WEEKEND. Omg I cannot WAIT for market day.

Love you all. So much.

And what actually got accomplished today, part 2:

4. Successfully disposed of dirty sheets and procured new clean and freshly starched sheets from the high school linen...office. The washing lady was super sweet and complimented me on my French. Awww! I'm very happy. I have clean sheets. Two months is really gross to go without washing your bed. Ewwwie.
5. Planned out the rest of this période. It's getting to crunch time. However, tomorrow's and definitely Friday's lessons are not very well planned out at all. I just know when the évalutations will be, when we're writing letters to Mom's and Maggie's students, and when we're doing serious review. Ahhh tomorrow is going to be ROUGH.
6. Ben and I recorded some listening exercises for my fourth graders!! It worked really well. Now I just have to hope that whatever CD players are available in my schools can read CD-Rs. Fat chance, but whatev. I'm so stoked. We had fun with it too. One of the very few times we've spoken English to each other.
7. So apparently it's normal that the magic internet box finds its new favorite satellite every day. What's not normal is that it takes FOREVER to do so. The very patient man at France Orange told me I should call Tech Support, to which I groaned and said oh my goodness please no, those ladies on the phone are really mean. Well whatever. Ben was equally disappointed.
8. I totally cleaned.
9. I made hotel reservations for Christmas break! I'm visiting Clermont-Ferrand, Lyon, and Dijon. I will post a more detailed itinerary including links to the cities' tourism office pages and hotels. Yay for vacations!!

Happy happy day. France is silly but I'm a happy girl. I will be sooo depressed when I'm in the States...

Things I have done today so far and things to do still:

What I have done this morning:
1. I went to my bank to figure out why I haven't been able to access my account online. It turns out that about two weeks after I opened my account, they updated their networks and my access code didn't work. While I saw this notice online and in the window of the bank itself, I'm a little perplexed as to why they didn't tell their clients (I can't possibly be the only one!) that their now old codes wouldn't work anymore. In any case, a quick ten minute visit to a very friendly bank a tout bien reglé and I am very happy.
2. I messed up the washing machine at the laundromat (again!) but at least now I have clean undies.
3. I went to the papeterie which is basically like a giant bookstore/office supply store, aka my paradise. I bought a handwriting workbook for second graders to practice my French cursive, some notebook paper, a planner (finally!) and some index cards.

Things I still have to do today:
1. I need to drop off my dirty sheets at the high school laundry room. Since they're the sheets lent to me by the high school, I'm not obligated to wash them myself. Yay for less laundry to do.
2. Plan out evaluation schedules - oral, writing/reading, listening - and review lessons.
3. I have a really sweet idea for the review and listening part and hopefully Ben will be able to help me out.
4. Burn a CD of the pictures of Oradour-sur-Glane for Pascal the history teacher.
5. Go to France Orange to recharge my cell phone and also ask why the magic internet box has to find its new favorite satellite so often and why it takes so long.

Today is a good day. It's sunny and I'm happy.

Oh also I should probably make some plans for Christmas vacation, considering pretty much everything will be booked.

Yay!!

I have completed, submitted, and paid for my very first graduate school application. University of Minnesota is DONE!
This is very exciting. Now I only have three more to do...until I find more.
I'm celebrating with wine. Good quality wine is inexpensive in France, so I have delicious wine.

I'm very very very tired.